home is not a physical location that i’ve grown up in. home to me would have to involve the creative process of setting up the (love) nest from scratch, choosing the location, having complete control over how it turns up, what’s in it, being responsible for all the bills and owning my own keys. home is a future state, not the familiarity of the past.

therefore places where i’ve grown up, i do not consider home but rather someone else’s roof that i’ve been kindly put up in and therefore making me obliged to also put up with inconveniences.

retreating in my own room doesn’t help sometimes. at best its a crevice to shelter in for temporary relief or a dead end that i’m trapped in.

the living arrangement that i’ve been in the past 2 years resembles very close to what i envision to be home. however in a while, i’ll turn in the keys, take a flight, be given a new set to a place will not be as spacious, but will afford me all the personal space i need.

i’m not home yet, but i’m certainly getting there.