death by paper cut











{October 27, 2005}   anybody there?

hello world.

maybe i need someone to meet up with me, or at least respond to me online so that i know i exist – not so much as to validate my existence, but let me know that the planets in orbit isn’t a virtual programme (you have to take my world for it, i can’t up with this concept before the wachowshi brothers.)

i have questioned the existence of everyone and this world usually when i look around the room while in bed. i start questioning why i am looking out of these eye sockets, then i question why i can control my limbs, and then i question my apparent ability to perceive, then i question life and its apparent lifespan, and finally i wonder how the transition between death and after-life would be.

so to lessen the frequency of such musings (they are not pseudo-musings) i try to make contact with people. even if they don’t exist, i still can at least engage myself the apparent existence of others.

so if i can actually come back to someone, or sleep with someone, i would have something to focus my vision on when i wake and so wouldn’t question why i look out of these eye socks and then i wouldn’t question why i can control my limbs because i can probably feel another living being rather then gaze at my own hands, and then i wouldn’t question my apparent ability to perceive because my perceptions would be fully engaged, and then i wouldn’t question life’s apparent lifespan because now i can die, and i wouldn’t have to wonder how death would be since i would be “experiencing death”.

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