death by paper cut

{May 6, 2006}   inexplicable

mothers and daughters.
i’ve been thinking about it for a while,
my relationship with my mother.
she was always there,
silent, giving, patient,
long suffering, sacrificial.
she didn’t need to talk big,
or be dramatic.
she isn’t the most eloquent of women,
not witty nor assertive,
but i learnt from her just by watching.
watching how she took in my accutely
bias grandmother into our household.
my grandmother was the typical
matriach, favoring only the sons.
where are they now?
those sons
my grandmother even turned away one of my aunts
married out, cannot return home.
i wonder why these hard headed women treat their
own daughters so harshly when they
themselves suffered injustice.
i was reminded today by the oracle,
that my mother cares deeply.
perhaps the friction i have with my
father has overshadowed my mother’s
it is from her humility and tolerance,
that i learnt humility and tolerance.
virtues so profoundly transmitted in no ceremonious way.
i just re-watched joy luck club,
stuff of mother-daughter complexities,
they all loved each other,
but in cruel ways, poignant nonetheless.
my mother demonstrated how she proritized the formative
years of her daughter, over career.
i wonder what kind of mother i might turn out to be.
maybe my maternal instincts are kicking in,
i’m way ahead of time,
but i’m already feeling protective over
hypothetical daughters.

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