death by paper cut











{March 6, 2008}   can’t touch this

i have an incredible sense of responsibility, too much for my own good. its the end of the first term, and no matter how much i try to convince myself that things can be worse, that i have it better than others – if i truly reflect on the past 10 weeks, the truth is that my quality of life has hit rock bottom where even scum doesn’t thrive.

i’ve been told time and again that i have a high CEP (current expected potential) and that very soon, doors will be opened to me to rise to greater heights. its good to gather evidence to show that you’ve got what it takes to be promoted faster, to take on more responsibilities, to be in-charge…to have less sleep each day, to work more hours for pittance, to cut back on your social life, to neglect your family, to ruin your relationships, to break down more often whenever panic attacks sweep your way and crush the core of your being like what the raging tornado did to dorothy’s ranch.

i found myself cutting back too much on … living that i’m now at point break.

what they say is true, when you’ve down in the dumps, the only way is up. and in my moment of anguish, i found the solution – to release myself from the hold of responsibility and well the obsession to prove myself competent.

from now, its ok to contend with a C grade, its ok just to meet expectations, its ok that i can’t meet the targets, its ok if i don’t ever get promoted, its ok that i don’t “capitalize on the opportunities to show case my abilities” because my life shouldn’t bloody well revolve around work especially since i’m being paid groundnuts.

you can’t touch me now. take that!

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paperpen says:

yay to you! i think we all learn this (whatever you typed in the entry) in a very hard way. after some time you just realise that you can only take so much cut-backs before you break down and the body systems start retaliating. in any case – breathe! =)



d says:

good on you cuz, I’m proud of you for thinking this way!! hang in there, we’ll hang out when i come back if we can squeeze in some time. after all, heck the promotion!!!



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