death by paper cut











{May 18, 2008}   living nightmare

dreaming for me is never a passive activity. vivid dreaming takes place often, and quite often too i can recall the dream when i wake.

the alternate reality that runs through my mind when the corporal world i inhabits closes in with the falling of my eyelids involves my total being – emotional, physical, pyschological.

tossing and turning are minor reflections of what’s going through in the dreaming. i can claw at the sky, talk, yell, at the better times laugh and more traumatically, cry and brawl like I did last night.

unlike what movies sometimes show, it doesn’t become “all right” just because you’ve departed the dreaming. for me, my actions in the day doesn’t haunt my dreams as much as the horrors at night that would continue to replay in the day. of course to some extent, it can be a vicious cycle.

i had a dream so wretched last night i cried because in my dream i cried. the catalyst for the wretchedness lingered on as i regained consciousness and i continued to cry some more. i groped for my phone – it was 4.30am. i didn’t get up, i tried to refocus my thoughts to stop the crying.

it stopped the puddles of tears collecting in my ears.

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