death by paper cut

{May 19, 2013}   StopGap

i have not blogged for a while, not because nothing has been blog worthy, but due to a combination of the happenstance of many a blog worthy stuff and spanners thrown in my groove. cryptic much?

to say that life is fragile and that it is something we should treasure is both cliche and understated at the same time. in this first half of the year, i come to grieve alongside the loved ones of five individuals who have prematurely gone too soon. three of which were still half-fledged. all of whom left in their wake broken fragments of crumbled worlds that have come undone.

i do not offer any sagacious insights, assuring words or claim of catharsis but for the living to love like we’ve never been hurt and live our days like it’s our last. mean what we say and say what we mean. sow a little good each day and let the world reap the kindness when it’s needed most.


{October 26, 2009}   after words

looking back, the process of coming up with the Lord of Dreams seemed less than an act of creation than one of sculpture; as if he were already waiting, grave and patient, inside a block of white marble, and all i need to do was chip away everything that wasn’t him.

afterword by neil gaiman

for preludes & nocturnes

i’m one of those people who read introductions, prefaces and afterwords because i am interesting in the process of the craft and product. i don’t really buy into the postmodern “death of the author” thing because everything has to come from somewhere and because there is a bit of ourselves in everything we put ourselves out there for.

i’ve just completed reading the absolute sandman vol 1, bought and presented lovingly by the geek – more than a year ago – who may not share my fascination for the profundity of morbidity but still wishes me well in my revelry (within reason).

i first become acquainted with the sandman graphic novels a decade ago when a certain jc classmate of mine – who come to think of it does skulk around in a fashion after the lord of dreams – circulated his original collection within the very special and quirky jc class of mine.

10 years on, i’m still very much in love with the series and will actually get to meet the creator, or rather the sculptor, of the sandman. again all thanks to the geek who takes an interest in my interests.

{September 5, 2009}   reading for catharsis

in a bid to read the novel before the movie adaptation, i completed reading my sister’s keeper by jodi picoult within a week. its rather readable, easy to follow and i particularly like how the story is told from multiple points of views of the various characters, each struggle to respond to the crisis before them and their own demons.

books will always occupy a place in my heart and mind where movies are a poor substitute. i find myself having had journey more with characters in a book than in a movie, possibly because of a motion film’s technical constrains such as script writing, cost, marketability and attention span of the movie goer, etc. as a result, characters in book have the advantage to develop more thoroughly and endear themselves to the reader closer than a movie can since reading can take place anytime, anywhere and over a longer period of time.

even after i’ve finished reading the book, the characters continue to live inside my head as i speculate how they would deal with the next phrase of their lives after the closure of the said crisis. every now and then, i check back with the para-social relationships i’ve cultivated and find out how they are – with is a constant state of unadulterated clarity and happiness. they’ve achieved closure, arrived the wiser and accomplished some enlightenment, so maybe so can i.

i think revelation from literature occurs only when what the book offers is engaged with what we bring into it. the result is catharsis.

the fitzgerald family taught me how to love and let go of loved ones. good people in our lives are a gift, sometimes they enter in passing, sometimes they stay longer, but eventually everyone dies. i’ve come to treasure extremely dearly certain relationships in my life, so much so that i fear the resulting end of it when death comes a knocking and takes one of us away. i’ve planned for hypothetical succession so that legacy of love once found can continue. but that too isn’t a bulwark against what will claim us all. so this is what i can finally say: no matter what the circumstances turn out to be of mortal separation, i’ll say proudly – it was an honor to have met you, the privilege to suffer loss is mine to bear and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

{July 11, 2009}   goodreads

Anybody out there who is a parent, if your kids want to paint the bedroom, as a favor to me, let them do it. It’ll be OK. Don’t worry about resale value of the house. (Page 30)

The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people. (Page 73)

– The Last Lecture

i’ve decided to read avariciously again now that my new job situation allows time for that and many other work-life activities.

i’ve also decided to conciously mull over what i’ve read and record my musings on my virtual shelf at

we are only given one life to lead, but we can experience and be enriched from a myriad of lives by journeying within the covers of books. mort, a recurring character in terry prachett discworld series describes visiting death’s library. the never ending sky reaching shelves contains row of books that are actually self-contained spirits of the dead. all mort had to do was open the covers to uncover their mortal days. if i remembered correctly, the spirits that inhabit the books carried their own voice like an audio book.

morbid as it maybe, a conventional library or a personal collection of books isn’t far off from death’s library. authors spend years and even life times to distill the most poignant alchemy of their experiences and imagination.

its therapeutic to write and catharic to read.

{August 26, 2007}   disease

did you know what disease stems from dis-ease?

et cetera